When We Want to Feel Our Best, What Do We Do? Caroline Paul Says the Answer Is Simple
written by Stacey Lindsay
“I started to wonder: Why are people acting so weird that I, at 60, want to do this?”
Caroline Paul studied communications at Stanford. When she graduated in the late 1980s, she thought she'd become a documentary filmmaker. Instead, she joined the San Francisco Fire Department (one of the first women to do so) and spent 14 years working "on a busy rig in a tough neighborhood where rundown houses caught fire easily, and gangs fought with machetes and .22s" as she wrote in The New York Times.
While fighting fires and in the decades since, Caroline has put her energy toward forging a bridge between women and the outdoors. Her 2016 book The Gutsy Girl gives gumptious (and thrilling) examples of why girls shouldn't let fear or gendered narratives keep them from seeking exhilaration under the open sky. Her work, deeply steeped in her own experiences, examines stigmas, excitement, adventure, fresh air, adrenaline, and more.
Caroline's most recent book, Tough Broad, includes all of this, yet it goes deeper and tackles a subject close to the author's heart and many of ours: aging. When I called Caroline, who is in her early 60s, to talk about it, she was adamant in saying that her new pages are about adventure, of course. After all, the book chronicles her adventures going kayaking and boogie boarding and beyond with other women. Ultimately, though, she says this book is about finding fulfillment, bravery, and exhilaration as we grow older and how the outdoor adventure—in whatever form that takes for each of us—can fit into that.
"This book really is a quest," she tells me over the phone. "It is a quest to figure out my own fulfilling aging journey, and during that quest, I completely re-evaluated what an adventure is."
As someone whose first love is to be outdoors, I could not wait to talk to Caroline. As she and I spoke in July, the two of us chatting from our homes in San Francisco, we touched on fear, bravery, growing older, women taking up space, and how the outdoors, as she says, is "the best pill you can take" for whatever ails you. “Getting outside in any sort of way is incredible.”
Chatting with Caroline Paul
I'd love to start with fear because I think so many of us women in midlife and older want to get outside more, do big things, and have grand adventures, but fear can get in our way. What are your thoughts about fear when it comes to all this?
Women talk about fear a lot. I'm interested in how we are raised to be fearful from a young age. Our parents raise boys to be brave and the girls to be fearful, and we think each of that will protect our kids—and I push against that. I think we need to teach our girls to be brave. This is all from [my other book] The Gutsy Girl, and I don't touch on that a lot [in this book] because now we're in a different phase of our life. We're in our 40s, 50s, or 60s, depending on when you pick up the book. But we're still people who have been raised with fear. I believe fear is not a reason not to do something. It is simply an emotion that you look at and assess.
It's true that the outdoors has been exclusive for a long time. It's been dangerous for people of color, and it has felt dangerous for women. I am really interested in how the mythology of the outdoors has belonged to men, and mostly younger men, when, in fact, women have been going outside for a very long time. Nevertheless, that question of fear is valid because it's out there. So, I say It's okay to be afraid; it's an emotion you're having. But don't let it stop you. Adjust what you do in coordination with that, and I think you'll find that your fear will start to fade, and your exhilaration will start to rise.
You've talked and written about how fear and exhilaration are quite similar.
Yes, and we often can't tell the difference because they're physiologically very similar. There is the sweat, the racing heart, and the anxiety. Once we go outside more, we start to realize the difference.
Another thing I want to say about fear is this: That fear is understandable. I was born in 1963. In 1964, our national parks were desegregated. So, what does that mean? For so long, it was dangerous for people of color to go out and explore. It was for women, too. We were told, 'Don't go outside. There's always someone lurking in the corner.' But nature is such a great pharmaceutical. We take pills all the time without question, and we see that long list of side effects that the advertisements tell us. We're willing to endure these side effects because the doctor told us the pill is going to make us better. Well, let me tell you that nature is the best pill you can take, so if fear is your side effect, just consider it a side effect and handle it accordingly. The fear is going to come along, but that's okay.
The idea of an adventure may vary for each of us. How has your idea of adventure evolved as you've written this book and put it out into the world?
I thought that to have an adventure meant you had to have high adrenaline and really push your comfort zone. I thought it meant you had to scare yourself a lot. But this book is really a quest. It is about my quest to figure out my own fulfilling aging journey, and during that quest, I completely reevaluated what an adventure is. We need to not think of an outdoor adventure as something that is, first and foremost, high adrenaline because that's just one aspect of it. The aspects of an adventure, first and foremost, are that it makes you feel exhilarated, offers physical vitality of some sort—and that might just be the wind in your face—and taps your exploratory nature. And often, an adventure cultivates awe. I went bird watching, and I went walking, and I went boogie boarding. None of those I thought would be an adventure, and I was so wrong. They had all the rhythms of an adventure. They had the quest, the anticipation, the exhilaration. So, it's not about the actual activity; it's about the way you feel about doing it.
Getting outside in any sort of way is incredible. Going outside for a short walk in as green space as you have access to will tap into your exploratory nature, help you feel physically vital, and offer novelty.
Take us back to the core of your book. What prompted you to write it?
The thing that started this book is that I was surfing, and I looked around, and there were no women my age out there. I was 55. There were men my age and many older. And this just kept happening—when I was on my electric skateboard when I flew experimental aircraft. All the time, I would see men my age but no women my age. I just started to wonder, What is the psychological aspect? What is keeping women from coming outside? I thought I was my best self out there. I was present, I was brave. I was a good teammate. So that's when I began looking at the messaging that we get, which is toxic and says [women are] frail and should be pulling back. That started to click for me, like, Okay, this is why women aren't outside.
Then I saw that research that said how we look at our aging predicts how well we age. That science there was eye-opening. If you have an optimistic view of your own aging, you are happier and healthier. So, I started thinking that if these scientists tell us that we need an optimistic view of our own aging, how do we get that? I started to wonder why. Why are these attributes of exhilaration, carefree, physically vital, and bravery reserved for the young? Why are people acting so weird that I, at 60, want to do this? I knew there was a link between having a positive view of our aging, so how do we get that? And it turns out that going outside and picking up an activity is, almost in every single case, a direct rebuke to these exact messages.
I'm in my early 40s and, like so many other women, have spent my entire adult life working, and I'm at a place now where I want to look up, claim space and feel new things. How do we start to dip our toes into feeling more, taking adventures, and stepping into our power in the outdoors?
I interviewed Shawn Brokemond, a BASE jumper—and by the way, I do not recommend BASE jumping; I didn't even do it! Shawn told me that she brings women outside because she feels like adventure is what we're looking for. By the way, I interviewed her because she's an inspiration, and we need templates like that. She's African American, a grandmother, a kindergarten teacher, a trainer, in her 50s. She defied all the stereotypes about who would do one of the most dangerous sports in the world. When she first told me that, I thought, no, women are not looking for that. But, repeatedly, women told me, 'We want adventure.' Another thing Shawn says is, 'What did you like doing as a kid?' If you like to bike, do that and do it slowly. Don't get the best bike and go on a 100-mile ride. No, you just have to ask a friend to go on a small bike ride around your park or a nice trail. Take it slow.
When I started this book, I was stressing the adventure part, but what I came away with was the outdoor part. Getting outside is medicinal. The science on this is unequivocal: When you get outside, it's so good for you on so many physiological and emotional levels. So, that's what I mean when I talk about physical vitality. I don't mean to get your heart rate up. You can do that in the gym. Going to the gym is great, but don't consider that your outdoor experience. What I mean is go on a walk that may not bring your heart rate up, but get outside because that well-being part is so so powerful.
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You can learn more about Caroline and order her book at carolinepaul.com.
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