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A Midlife Realization About Friendship That Opened My Eyes

| written by Alice Hause

Alice Hause is an avid reader and writer who likes to draw parallels between her favorite characters and her own experiences as a mother, sister, wife, daughter, and friend. Every month, she'll break down a favorite book, offering her life takeaways and thoughtful questions to spark deeper reading and conversation. This month, Alice explores the novel The Thursday Murder Club by Richard Osman.

You're in the Trader Joe's produce section, overwhelmed by the sheer number of apple choices. Gala. Envy. Fuji. Braeburn. Honeycrisp. And the one you remember from childhood, Red Delicious—which somehow brings you comfort as you sort through which one is at the perfect intersection of sweet, tart, and crisp.

The woman standing across from you looks familiar. You turn your head to the side to figure out where you know her from before she recognizes you. After an agonizing few minutes, the best you can come up with is Matt's mom. You can remember random facts about Matt (from 12 years ago!) but not his mother's name. She could be the first woman to walk on the moon or number three on the Forbes list of female entrepreneurs, but to me, she's Matt's mom.

There's a scene in The Thursday Murder Club that reminds me of this conundrum. The novel's story centers around the Cooper Chase Retirement Village, and when we meet Ibrahim (one of the four main characters), Joyce (another of the four) explains that "he's a psychiatrist. Or was a psychiatrist. Or still is, I'm not quite sure… but once you get to know him it makes a sort of sense."

Reading this reminded me of how I felt when my kids started school. Instead of Alice I became Miller's mom. And to the other preschoolers, and then later, kindergarteners, the greatest accomplishment of my life was bringing the class Baskin Robbins Clown Cones for a birthday treat.

When I first met some of my best friends, it took a while before we got around to peeling back the layers of our personalities. That is because we were all moms first. Details like which moms always remembered to pack snacks or were the strictest about screen time came first before the real nuggets of who we are came through. For some of us, it was just like Joyce from The Thursday Murder Club explained: Once you get to know them, "it all makes a sort of sense."

It did all start to make sense once I got to really know these women. For example, there was the mom who always looked so put together at drop off while the rest of us sometimes forgot to even brush our hair before heading out the door (hi, that's me), so it was not surprising to learn that she had an awesome career in fashion pre-kids. Or the mom who always threw the most fabulous parties, cooked for huge crowds, and sent you home with arms full of leftovers and a heart full of her hugs and smiles. It was no surprise to learn she was an ER nurse who devoted herself to caring for those who needed her the most. Or the mom, who our entire family insists has the kindest heart and is a lawyer who worked tirelessly to help families who needed her the most.

Meeting, becoming friends, and getting to know so many amazing women has made me appreciate all they have brought to my life. When one of the The Thursday Murder Club characters is asked how he finds his peace, he answers, "It might be here in this chair, with my mate… dark outside, with something to talk about."

That is exactly how I feel.

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Alice’s Take on The Thursday Murder Club

This novel by Richard Osman is a laugh-out-loud whodunnit story about a group of four unlikely friends who meet every Thursday in the Jigsaw Room at the luxurious Coopers Chase Retirement Village to talk about cold cases that have been long forgotten. They call themselves The Thursday Murder Club. There’s Joyce, a retired nurse whose diary entries provide valuable and often hilarious insight into the other characters’ personalities. Next is Ron, a former social activist with an outsized personality who, despite his age, never backs down from a fight. The third member is Ibrahim, a retired therapist who still carries the weight of the patients he couldn’t do enough for on his shoulders. Finally, there’s Elizabeth, a woman with a varied yet particular set of skills. As Joyce says, “I’m not supposed to say what Elizabeth used to do for a living. Suffice it to say, though, that murders and investigations and what have you wouldn’t be unfamiliar work for her.”

Imagine their excitement when a local developer’s murder practically falls into their lap, waiting for The Thursday Murder Club members to use their unorthodox but thoroughly effective sleuthing skills to solve the case. But to do so, they must work with the local police. They befriend Police Constable Donna De Freitas and hatch a plan to get her assigned to the case. In return, Donna begrudgingly agrees to share inside information on the investigation with The Thursday Murder Club. Suffice it to say that the gang of four wastes little time in bringing Donna’s supervisor, DCI Chris Hudson, into their fold. So many of the story’s best scenes are in which the Thursday Murder Club brings Donna and Chris up to speed on what they’ve managed to discover without inciting too much police ire. As Elizabeth explains to Donna, “It keeps me involved, you see, and it reminds you that we can be useful. I wouldn’t want you to feel like we were interfering, Donna, but at the same time, I do want to interfere.”

With this smart writing, Osman comments on how easily society casts off the elderly, grief, and the thin line between one’s moral code and the law. In true English fashion, his casual observations about aging and daily life at Coopers Chase had me laughing out loud. 

Catching the killer with The Thursday Murder Club was a witty, funny, entertaining, and thoroughly enjoyable journey. I never thought amateur sleuthing with four septuagenarians could be so much fun. This has been one of my favorite novels—I’ve read many of them!

Order your copy here.

Questions for Deeper Reading and Discussion

  1. Which of the book’s characters was your favorite? Why?

  2. Society often writes off the abilities of the elderly. At the heart of The Thursday Murder Club is a lesson to never underestimate this population. Who misjudges the residents of Coopers Chase the most? What are the consequences of underestimating the four friends?

  3. One of the recurring themes is the gray area between the law and each character’s moral code. Do you think Penny’s husband, John, did the right thing? How about Penny?

  4. In describing Coopers Chase, Ibrahim feels “It was a community, and in Ibrahim’s opinion, that was how human beings were designed to live.” What community are you a part of that has played a valuable role in your life?

  5. If you had to solve a murder, which three other people (think family, friends, or even someone famous) would you choose to help you solve it?


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